Ah, senses

Isn't it amazing how a smell can instantly take you back to a memory- a time, place, or person in your life that you haven't thought of in years? Today, I had one of these experiences. It was from chap-stick. The original, black label, disgusting smelling chap-stick brand lip balm.
I was in 2nd grade. It was Mrs. Stone's class, and it was just before Christmas break. I had chapped lips, so I was wearing the aforementioned lip balm. Just before lunch, Chad Lukavsky became ill and was showing signs of vomit. He began to gag and everyone started running away from him. I was just feet away when he vomited all over the floor. From that day on, I was terrified of him, and for the rest of the school year I was afraid to go near him. Not because I didn't want him to vomit on me, but because there was something scary about someone getting sick right in front of me like that. It was a very traumatic experience. To this day, the smell of original chap-stick reminds me of that day, and of the smell of vomit.
Of course, I also have many smells that bring back pleasant memories, or memories of people I love.

What smells bring back memories for you? Are they pleasant or unpleasant?

Imperfections

One of my favorite movies of all times is "Mean Girls." Most people know this about me, because I quote it all the time. It's just so clever and hilarious, and I feel like there are so many moments in it are easy to relate to from my high school days.

One scene, in particular, comes to mind at this moment. I've been thinking a lot about how critical I am of myself and how much everyone is critical of their imperfections. There is a scene in the movie when Lindsay Lohan's character realizes there are many things that can be wrong with a person besides just being "fat" or "thin."

I remember the exact time in my own life when I came to this realization. Up until this point, I was blissfully ignorant of the things I should have been worrying about. Maybe I was still too young to notice or care, and my more mature friends just brought them to light. I had one friend in particular, we will call her Sue. Sue had reached well before I had, and she was my closest friend. She was ALWAYS complaining about her hips, her breasts, the way her body hair was darker than most people's,  her legs, and on and on. I had never considered these parts of my body before, or that there could be things wrong with them. And once I considered it, I realized there were lots of things wrong with me, too. It kind of ruined my life. (That might be slightly dramatic.)

I can't really blame Sue for my enlightenment, if it wasn't her,  it would have been somebody else. Maybe it's a sign of the state of our society, or maybe it's just a reflection of my own issues and the way I internalize things, but I have never been the same since that fateful day in 8th grade. And you know what? I'm tired of feeling insecure. I'm tired of putting so much effort into worrying about how I look. I'm almost 30 years old, and at this age shouldn't we all be past the shallow criticisms of our younger days?

Some people might look at me and think that I don't care what I look like, because, honestly, most days I don't try too hard. I don't wear much make-up, half the time my hair is in a ponytail, and if I could, I'd wear sweatpants every day. But just because I'm not outwardly showing it, I'm still inwardly worrying about it. I have spent near entire days with my office door closed because I'm embarrassed about a huge zit on my face. It's pretty ridiculous.

I don't think that I'm the only person who feels this way. I don't even know who we are all trying to impress, or why we're trying to impress them. These things don't matter. I'd like to give my family and friends more credit than that, because I truly don't believe that they are all shallow jerks.

Let's all just stop this nonsense. If I worry about something, I want it to be because it directly affects my health or well-being, or someone else's feelings, not because I'm worried whether another person will like it. If you hear me complaining about something that is not important and has to do with my looks, call me out on it, and I will do the same for you. :)

My love affair with running

I've recently started to run again. There are times in my life when I love running, and other times in my life when I think it is torture and would rather do ANYTHING other than running. Right now I'm in love with it. I'm even training to run the Dam to Dam 20K race (that's 12.4 miles) in June.

Let me tell you one of the reasons I started running in the first place. When I was younger, I was a bit awkward. (Shocking, I know.) I was also clumsy (still true). I enjoyed sports, but lacked self-confidence and hated that other people were relying on me not to mess up. What attracted me to running was that the only person who was negatively effected by me not doing well was me. I liked the idea that I didn't have to worry about dropping a ball or striking out.

This is how my love affair with running began. There have been times in my life when I have tried other sports (I also love swimming), but it always comes back to running. You don't need any special equipment or gym memberships to run. You can run any time of day and pretty much anywhere you want.

I've noticed many benefits since I've started running, some of them unexpected. I feel like my stress level is greatly decreased. Even though I'm getting up earlier, I feel like I have more energy throughout the day. My acne has actually gotten better. Best of all, it's a great time for me to think.

I know it isn't for everyone, and in 6 months I may be "over" it myself. In the meantime, if you want to go for a jog with me, let me know!

Love/Hate Relationships

Hello everyone! Remember me? Probably not, because I haven't blogged in MONTHS. I'm beginning to think this whole blogging thing isn't for me. I have a sort of love/hate relationship with the idea of it. In fact, I have a love/hate relationship with lots of things in my life.

Maybe this is a sign of my overall indecisiveness. Anyone who knows me can tell you without a doubt I am one of the most indecisive people in the world. Some days it takes me so long to decide what to wear that I'm late for work. (OK, that's MOST days.) Some days I spend so long deciding what to eat for dinner, that by the time the decision is made it's too late to cook anything, and we end up eating cereal. (I'm not a very good wife.)

Things I currently love:

Food
Running
Ducks
Coffee/caffeine

Things I currently hate:
Money
Taylor Swift
My phone
Ducks

What do you have a love/hate relationship with?

Nostalgia

For the first time in my life last week, I missed my hometown. It was the strangest thing. I haven't lived there since the summer of 2001, and for the most part I have not missed living there one bit. Until last week.

I went back home to do the Relay for Life with my family, and Jim had to work late so I went by myself. As I pulled into the edge of town, I was overwhelmed by a feeling of sadness that is really quite difficult to explain. I spent the next several minutes reminiscing various memories of my childhood and adolescence.

As much as I complained about living in a small town, it really was a great place to grow up. I always felt safe and I had so many opportunities to be involved in anything and everything. One of my favorite memories of living in Chariton was the swimming pool. Growing up, I practically lived there and as soon as I was old enough, I became a lifeguard. It really is the best job in the world, and to this day if I could get away with it, that would be my only full-time job. (At an outdoor pool, in a warm location.) Here are some pictures of the "new" pool, which opened in the summer of 2000.  I was the assistant manager and swim lesson coordinator, again, who could ask for a better job?

I thimk more than anything I was nostalgic for my childhood. Maybe it's that I'm getting older (I'm almost 30!) or maybe it's just that I haven't been home long enough to really take time to miss it in a long time. Don't get me wrong, though, I have no intention to ever move back there or really any small town like it. Sometimes it's just nice to remember where you came from when you can appreciate it mroe than you ever did before. Does anyone else ever feel this way, or is it just me?

Time for a change

I haven't blogged in a long time. I guess I've been busy, or maybe I just haven't had much to say. Maybe it's because Katie found out I have a blog and I don't want her making fun of me. Oh well, whatever the reason, I'm in the mood to blog today.

I made a terrifying discovery last week. I had a doctor appointment, and as you all know, the first thing they do is weigh you. Now, we have a scale at home, I just choose not to use it much. As it turns out, I have gained 20 POUNDS since my wedding. Seriously. 20. That was only 4 years ago.

I am fully aware that I have been gaining some weight, but I think I have also been somewhat in denial about the whole issue. Some may argue that technically I am still in the healthy weight range for my height (barely), but I just haven't been feeling very good about myself lately, and I think I am finally ready to address the issue.

On Monday, I started (loosely) dieting. Mostly I am really just trying to be more mindful of what I eat and how much of it I am eating. A few years ago I cut down on portions, limited myself to 2 pops a week, and quit eating out for lunch all the time.  It made a huge difference then, so that's what I'm trying again. I'm also continuing my workouts in the mornings, although I think after doing it for 2 years my body is just used to that level of activity, so realistically I need to increase my activity level to see results.

I made it two days pretty successfully, and then on Wednesday my co-workers asked if I wanted to order lunch from Cafe Fuzion with them. Their chicken pad thai is by far one of my favorite things and I have no self control, so of course I ordered some. Then I made a plan to immediately take half of it out of the container and save the other half for the next day. I ate the whole thing. So much for making good choices.

Today, however, is a new day and I can't take back what I've already consumed. I want to do this so I don't have to buy more new clothes to fit my larger body. I want to do this so I can remain healthy. I want to do this for me and not anyone else. Weight watchers recommends people set a weight loss goal to lose 10% of their total weight, so that is what my goal is. If I reach that, I will be exactly where I want to be.

Don't worry, I'm not going to be one of those annoying people who sit at lunch and criticize/analyze everything I'm eating as well as what everyone else is eating. And I know I will have days when I indulge. I just have to keep reminding myself of the big picture. By next week (or even really tomorrow) will I remember that I didn't get to have french fries for lunch today when they smelled so good? No. It took a lot of time to put the weight on, and I know it will take some time to take it off, but I'm ready to give it a try. Here's hoping.

Somehow I became a cat lady

I never, ever thought I'd say this, but I am a CAT LADY. At the end of last year, we adopted a kitten. We named him Gizmo (like the Gremlin). I never thought I wanted a cat. I used to make fun of people who had cats, because I thought cats were dumb pets and I hated how everything had to be on their terms.

I don't think that my obsession is just with cats, I think my obsession is with pets. I am an animal lover, always have been. Growing up, we always had dogs, so I just thought of myself as a dog person. I'm pretty sure if we had a dog, I'd be just as obsessed with it, if not more.

It all started after visiting some friends who had just gotten a kitten. Their cat was awesome, he was really playful and social, not like most cats I had come into contact with. I became determined to convince Jim (again) that we needed a pet, and cats were easier to take care of because you don't have to take them out in the snow to use the bathroom. The problem was Jim's allergies. To my surprise, though, it didn't take much convincing, and after a couple of weeks, we decided to check into some shelters. Even better than that, was the cat didn't bother Jim too much, he just gets a little stuffy from time to time.

Ever since then, I find myself starting to tell people stories about my cat. Sometimes I stop myself, because I'm pretty sure I sound like a moron. I take pictures of him all the time on my phone because he's always doing the funniest things. I worry when I think he's hurt. (It scares me to think of how ridiculous I will be if I have a child someday, if I am this crazy about my pet.)

Here are a couple more pictures of my little buddy.

The last one is one of my favorites. We were packing for Chicago, and he just climbed right into the suitcase.

So go ahead, make fun of me. I would if I were you.